Go Beyond

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Multi-function Alarm Clock

I have an early 1992 model multi-function alarm clock available for short to long term rent depending on user satisfaction. Rent to own is available, but has additional requirements. This is not your average multi-function alarm clock, as it is surprisingly well featured. It has an adaptive "personality", affection emulation, and four functional limbs. It is even capable of making you a sandwich, but responds best when you prefix the request with "sudo" . This alarm clock does not even need a night stand to sit on as it comfortably fits in bed without falling off. Though sadly, due to regulations that feature is only allowed later in the rental period after our researchers have sufficiently tested the buyer for compatibility and find that it would not be too early for the implications of bed sharing.

Please note, this model was made in Canada, not China, Taiwan, or any place with extraordinarily low minimum wages. The employees who produced this alarm clock were very happy with life and were not exposed to dangerous amounts of lead, arsenic, mercury, or asbestos during the production of this alarm clock. While it was produced in Canada, it has spent most of its life Americanizing in high humidity climates. However, there is absolutely no rust on this model, only minor scratches and scars.

If you would like to schedule a product showing or inquire more, please reply to this ad with a picture and information about yourself to confirm eligibility. Exact costs are negotiable, but can be discussed in the exchange of emails.

Thank you, Multi-function Alarm Clock Retailers Group (R)

PS: As this unit is approximately 185cm/6'1" long, please ensure that it is not kept in undersized space. Prolonged exposure to small environments that require bending of the neck and/or back drastically reduce structural integrity and often result in head injuries which may lower the ability of your alarm clock's cognitive functions.

PPS: To ensure that your own cognitive abilities are above that of a spam bot, please set the subject to "There is no spoon", followed by whatever else you feel is relevant.