Go Beyond

Only read if you don't mind being offended.

Aspiring geek seeks lonely potato farmer

Beyond love and sustenance, there's little else absolutely necessary in life. Though I'm quite comfortable on my own, I often feel there's more that could be added enjoying life with another. Looking into someone else's eyes and seeing a reflection of your own thoughts is beautiful and enticing. Reading their expression more than their words, sometimes even not saying a single thing. Finding deep beauty in the things you once hated, just because the other enjoys them. Being happy merely because of another's presence, regardless of what else is going on.

Which sounds great and all, but after forty or so days of just love and nothing else, you'd probably both die. We need food to survive. Sustenence is as essential as hope and sanity. Arguably, my greatest vice is a food. It comforts me as I'm paid to keep customer's websites up for the Today Show. Its warmth fuels my brain through tests and comforts me after trauma. Its taste compels into greater ventures in life, similar to listening to Tool through headphones. This addiction... this need... is potatoes. Whether baked, scalloped, double baked, boiled, or mashed, they have demi-god status in my life. Of course, they must be coupled with copious amounts of butter, salt, and black pepper, but those ingredients alone would be nothing without the potato.

I'm very competent cooking these potatoes, and even more so at eating them. On an average work day, I go through 7-9 potatoes of moderate size. Sadly, though I'm reasonably self-sufficient, I have no knowledge of growing these delicacies. What if all potato farmers went on strike and the supply of potatoes ran out? What if an alien invasion took place and it was just myself left? In a few months or years, the potato supply would dry up. My soul, likely along with them.

This is especially where I have realized I need another person in my life. My lack of gardening skills leaves me insufficient and incapable of survival without others whom I may not be able to trust for a life-long supply of potatoes. My computer skills dwindle without the potatoes, so it'd be a downward spiral of inability to work, and inability to pay for spuds. I'd lose work, sanity, and ultimately hope.

The solution, is a caring heart with a mind capable of potato crafting. If you happen to be an experienced or beginning potato farmer, perhaps I could fix your computer or car in exchange for fresh essences of heaven. At the same time, perhaps affection and attachment could be exchanged in the process. If you can present me with potatoes, you've already won half my heart. You must still be incredibly awesome, as unfortunately potatoes without other attraction cannot suffice.

If you are interested, please reply with a subject of "Potato stew is my specialty". I also may consider candidates capable of grocery-adventuring to capture potatoes, even if you can't grow them yourself. Attaching a picture of yourself holding a potato will win you many points.